Vanity Never Looked So Good
by Shonashee
Summary: In which Kid Danger [and Captain Man] most definitely have their own line of overrated merchandise.


**A/N: I'm not really part of this show's fandom (if it has one...) but I've watched the episodes. I love Charlotte and Henry's relationship, and I can see it developing into something more in the future. If not, they're still cute as friends. And now Jasper's in on the secret, and I'm loving it and I'm loving him. So with that said, on to the story.**

 **Disclaimer~ As always, I don't own any media, including Henry Danger.**

* * *

Captain Man and Kid Danger were popular in Swellview. Anyone could have told you that.

And because they were celebrities in their own right, they had merchandise.

That's right, _merchandise_.

It had originally been Jasper's idea, and with Gooch, he handled production and marketing. What had started as a joke became an actual profitable business. The merchandise ranged from action figures to popsicles shaped as their faces with the gumball eyes. To Henry and Ray, it was funny seeing people walk around with the Captain Man and Kid Danger logo on their baseball caps or on their tote bags.

Even Henry's family joined in on the craze, insisting on "supporting the community." They were the first of many, getting exclusive items as Piper was the president of the Man Fans.

And that's exactly how Henry got into this situation.

* * *

Jasper had the decency to cover his eyes. Charlotte stared him down unabashedly.

"Are...you actually wearing underwear with your own face on them?"

"No!" Henry indignantly cried. "It's Kid Danger's face!"

"News flash." She rolled her eyes. "You're Kid Danger!"

"Dude, where are your pants?!" Jasper nearly pleaded.

"I was in a rush to get there, I just transformed while still in my sleep clothes! Charlotte, stop staring!"

Henry looked around the Man Cave, trying to find a blanket or even extra gumballs so he could transform again. He had dropped the Kid Danger transformation as soon as he and Ray had come back from their emergency mission. It was the middle of the night when he got the alert, and he was instructed to get ready while Ray came to pick him up in the Man-copter.

He had quickly transformed while still in his pajamas, forgetting that he had forgone pants for the summer night in favor of his boxers.

Unfortunately, his _Kid Danger Special Edition Boxers_.

Charlotte was shaking her head in disappointment.

"So you not only have boxers with your own face on them, you sleep in them, too?" Charlotte snorted.

"You are not allowed to judge me!" Henry exclaimed. "Mine were a gift, unlike Ray who bought them of his own free will!"

"Who gifted you Kid Danger boxers?" Jasper asked. "They're not even out yet, and that was going to be my Christmas gift for you! I thought it would be ironic."

"Piper," Henry said. "For my birthday. So I could 'absorb a fraction of the cool that Kid Danger has,' according to her."

"You know she has a crush on you, right?" Jasper asked. "I mean not you Henry, because that would be creepy on all sorts of levels, but Kid Danger."

He made a face at that.

"Actually, it's still creepy," he said.

"Don't remind me," Henry shuddered.

"Creepy crushes aside." Charlotte was still looking pointedly at his boxers. "Can we discuss your egotism issues? I mean, seriously. Wearing underwear with your own face on it?"

"Shut up." Henry suddenly turned on her, smirking. "I know you begged Piper for the Kid Danger socks."

"Ooooooooh!"

Charlotte gave Jasper a look, effectively making him stop.

"Got anything to say about that?" Henry's smug voice broke her out of her glare at their other friend. "Really, I must give you some special attention, since you're _clearly_ my number one fan.

"Well, uh-" Charlotte cleared her throat. "I just, you know...I wasn't actually...I mean..."

"Charlotte," Jasper spoke up. "You know you're not actually forming actual sentences, right?"

She shot him another look and he raised his arms in a surrender motion, stepping back with eyebrows raised.

"See, it would be suspicious if I was the only person not falling over myself to get some merchandise as well," Charlotte slowly drawled out. "And then she'd know I'm not a fan unlike everyone else in Swellview, and she could possibly figure out that I know Kid Danger, and then she could figure out _you're_ Kid Danger."

She smiled, proud of her logic.

"Yeah," Jasper said, smiling. "That must be it. Definitely not your crush on Kid Danger or anything."

"Wh- JASPER!" Predictably, that was Charlotte.

"Aww, you have a crush on me? That's embarrassing." Henry smugly leaned towards her, making kissy faces and smooching noises. "I bet seeing me in my boxers is really turning you on right now. No wonder you didn't look away."

"We're already dating, you idiot!" Charlotte slapped his face away and groaned, wondering how in the world the tables had so quickly turned on her.

* * *

 **A/N: Consider this a random drabble that came to be because I can't help but find the idea of in-verse merchandise _hilarious._ I love it.**

 **Now that that's done, you all know what to do. Favorite and review!**


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